No, not preggers, although at least at the end of that ordeal, you have something wonderful to take home with you. No, I'm talking about something we, as women, are all scared of, something every time we feel a twinge in our chest, or feel something odd in the shower, or visit the gynecologist - we start to worry. At least I do. Did.
About two weeks ago, while watching TV, I laid my hand on my chest and felt something hard. My husband was out of town, it was almost midnight and I did what most normal people would do - I panicked! I called my mom, crying, not sure what I expected her to tell me...but just needed someone to tell me, right then, that it's probably nothing and not to worry. I cried myself to sleep that night.
I'm a bit over-dramatic (surprise!) and as I tried to will myself to sleep, my brain was being bombarded with horrible thoughts...all the 'what-ifs' that you really shouldn't think about at one in the morning. Alone.
My doctor was able to get me in the very next morning and sure enough, it wasn't my imagination. There was a large lump sticking out of my chest. He immediately, but calmly, called for a mammogram and ultrasound. He told me that I appeared very calm and commended me on that (being cool in tough situations is not my strong suit)...but what else can you do? He can't tell me what, if anything is actually wrong with me. So I decided to not invite worry into my life.
I went for the mammogram/ultrasound and was so nervous. I'd only heard horror story, after horror story about how it felt like your boob is being smashed by the garage door. Well, girls, I gotta say - it was NOT BAD AT ALL! Sure, it's awkward - but it doesn't even come close to what I had imagined it was going to be like.
The worst part of the testing is that no one can tell you anything...so you lay there on table looking for clues in the ultrasound technician's eyes...wondering if they're seeing anything. Then you wait for a couple of days. The doctor called me, and of course, I missed the call. When he didn't just leave a message saying "hey, everything's fine," I knew that I wasn't yet finished. When we finally connected, his voice was normal and he simply said, "good news, bad news."
"The good news is that it's a cyst and we want to have it drained/biopsied. The bad news is that there is a spot on the other breast that we want better pictures of."
Again...that 'spot' could be a myriad of things...so, he tells me to go back, do a spot compression and another ultrasound and then take all my images to a breast specialist (didn't know there was such a thing).
So, that brings us to today...had the 2nd round of mammogram and ultrasound this afternoon. The mammogram technician commented that it didn't look as bad as she initially thought (the films from last week show a fairly large and what I would call 'organized' mass), so, I'm taking that as good news.
In the meantime, I'm not going to worry. I'm not going to think about the 'what ifs' - or at least TRY not to and I'm going to encourage all my girlfriends to get to their doctors and if they suggest you go have a mammogram...don't argue with them, don't sulk...JUST DO IT!